I am buckling down in preparation for my first typhoon. Any normal person would be worried. Instead, I am excited.
Typhoon Morakot is heading this way - they anticipate we'll be experiencing it tomorrow and Friday! I'll admit that the weather right now all by itself is rather exciting - the wind is blowing, the rain is coming in in patches... It's a little like the anxiety I remember from being in labor.
I kept Amaris home from school today, and will most likely have her out for the rest of the week as well. Tonight she is going to church with our neighbor and I'm certain that she will have a blast.
I ran errands this afternoon out of last-minute necessity and also to divert my attention. I spoke with my grandma on the phone earlier today and got an update on my mom's situation. The doctor seems to believe that it's most likely Alzheimer's. Which, deep down, I knew. I had been SAYING that right along. But to hear somebody else, somebody who knows what he is talking about, say it... That is different. And a little bit heartbreaking. All of these fears immediately arise - many of them selfish. Ok, well, technically they could ALL be considered selfish. But they're all very real and very harsh.
Will this be a hereditary concern for me and for my children? When we return to America, will she remember us? Will she recognize us? Will any sort of treatment change the situation at all? Or are we just doomed to be this way? Will she never improve - only worsen - as time goes by? Will this kill her? Will I ever get any semblance of my mother back? Or can I just count on the way things are being the way things will be, and that's that.
It's a little too much for me. I'm trying to occupy my thoughts elsewhere but the truth is that I'm scared.
A little bit of good news (which I'm not ready to share yet - and no, it has nothing to do with more babies), and then a big piece of bad news.
