And so here we are
I'm tired but I'm not ready to drag myself to bed before 8:30PM, tail between legs, shoulders slumped, like I am some kind of old spinster. So thought I'd blog since... Well, let's be honest here. It's been a while.
But this is January. This is a new year. A new decade. New Year's Resolutions - I've got a few. They are remarkably like the things I resolved to deal with last year. Hopefully, a touch more reasonable.
Last January, I was awaiting the impending departure of my husband to Afghanistan. He has since returned, enjoyed a blissful two months at home, and is now gone. Again. Not to Afghanistan, and not for a "full-length" deployment... But still a separation is a separation. So I'm not really very impressed at the moment with my current loneliness and with the fact that by her birthday, I'll have spent the vast bulk of my littlest's first year as a single mother of two in a foreign country. Lame. Things could ABSOLUTELY be worse, I know, and I'm trying not to be a total pessimist, but I definitely do appreciate all of the highs and lows of this lifestyle for exactly what they are.
I've put a lot of thought into this year's resolutions. Mostly because I spent a lot of time LAST year noticing the things wrong in my life. Things I hope to resolve, not just this year but in the coming years as well. So far, I'll admit, I'm not doing a spectacular job. As I type this, I am in last night's pajamas, hair unbrushed, and house absolutely less than tidy. To be fair, Mark left just two days ago and I am dealing with the mandatory moping period. Which is something I feel strongly about allowing myself each and every time he goes away. I think I deserve a couple of days to have a pity party, so long as I don't expect everybody else to join me and stroke my ego. These separations are temporary and I'm going to get over it, move on, and make it through. Somehow those months last year eventually disappeared and all at once we were dressed and standing in a windy parking lot, peering out under our hands at the bus full of Marines approaching.
Life is full of challenges. It's full of anxieties. It's full of comings and goings. Heartbreak, extreme highs, tragedy, romance, comedy... It's full of good times, good company, and good food. It's full of struggles and successes.
I'm rambling.
That's the point.
My resolutions for this year (and beyond) are:
- Stop being so hard on myself. (Which I've never considered before this year, actually.)
- Stop being so hard on Amaris. (She is only three, after all.)
- Pay off ALL of the debt (I'm talking credit cards, here). THIS year. No more screwing around. (And I DO have a plan for this.)
- Put money in savings and leave it alone.
- Eat healthier, and make the whole family follow suit.
- Be more frugal in general. (I have sadly fallen from the coupon train I once was perched upon.)
- Make more time to READ. (One of my favorite hobbies that has taken a back seat for TOO long.)
- And write. (Same here.)
- Be a better, more attentive mother to my children. (I'll admit that this one continues to be one of my bigger challenges. I don't know if I am just easily disappointed in myself, easily annoyed, or if I really am a "bad mother" - people continue to assure me that I'm not, but I think one can and should definitely always strive to be better.)
- Learn to use my fancy new camera.
- Pretend that I give a damn - as in, wear makeup and do my hair more often. Really, I'd like to try to ACTUALLY give a damn eventually. In the beginning I'm sure I'll be pretending, though.
- Waste less time.
- Keep the house presentable. (As in, the dishes in the sink and the laundry heaps waiting to be folded should not be there.)
- STOP procrastinating. (I'll do this one later.)
- Be a more understanding partner to Mark.
- Stop being a door mat to everyone I meet.
- Use the post office more regularly.
- Quit being negative about the fact that post-secondary education has been put off indefinitely but stay adamant that eventually it WILL happen.
- Enjoy myself and my CURRENT situation more.
- Quit worrying so much.
- Blog more often.
- Pay more attention to current events.
- Stop giving a crap about the things that don't matter.
- Explore something completely new at least twice a month.
- Make Amaris' day more often by doing something simple... let her ride her bike, buy her a new pair of roller skates or a Barbie, play Candy Land... It doesn't take a whole lot to please her.
So, this list is a rough draft. But I think it's healthy to consider these things when you're sitting around with nothing better to do, as I am tonight. I didn't fall apart or choke up completely when Mark left two mornings ago, but I do miss him, of course. A lot. And I absolutely hate it when he is far away. Especially during the periods of time like these where I am waiting to get any sort of an update from him. And especially when I am so far away from my family of origin and they're going through hard times and they NEED me. But here I am, an ocean away and not even able to enjoy being with my husband. I love Okinawa, of course, but it's hard to feel alone - which I sometimes do. I just keep reminding myself to press forward. What else can I do?
January 26, 2010 at 12:09 AM
Here's something to help you out with your family getting out of debt. I've been getting into this the last couple of months and I'm seeing changes.
http://www.daveramsey.com/new/baby-steps/
"If you can live like no one else, then you can live like no one else." - Dave Ramsey
January 26, 2010 at 12:18 PM
You can do all of this Kari! And I need to work on most of those myself. Lots of hugs!