I do.  I hate being alone.  In fact, I think I'm terrified of being alone.  I don't mean I'm one of those women who depends heavily simply on "having a man".  I just mean that since I've got one, I don't want to be without him.  He is my companion.  One of those cheesy Myspace surveys asked if my significant other was my "everything".  My answer was that it's not possible for any one person to be my whole everything, but he's certainly a huge part of it.  I always think of "When Harry Met Sally" - the line at the end where Billy Crystal says "when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."  I apply that movie quote to pretty much everything in my relationship.  I feel like it means that you want to be with that person as much as you can.  Uninterrupted would be preferable.  With the Marine Corps in the middle, that's obviously a little less possible.  But I can still dream.

I was all big talk that I could handle this deployment, but now that it comes down to it, I'm a big baby.  I'm scared, I'm stressed, I'm anxiety-ridden to say the least.  I got the girls home and immediately Cadence, my easygoing, calm, peaceful baby burst into screams and tears.  She did that for about 20 minutes.  I couldn't help thinking to myself, "Oh God, what have I gotten myself into?"  I've spent the day sobbing - my face is red and puffy to serve as the proof.

It's real now.  He's far away.  I hate it.  I know I'll start feeling better soon and I'll make it through it, but for now I'm miserable and sad.