Comes and it Goes
I'm beat.
In the past few days, I have felt like I was going to lose my mind on more than one occasion. Yesterday at the aquarium, I lost Amaris. She vanished from the playground area and I spent an agonizing 15 minutes panicking over her. While her friend (who was with her before that) kept saying "Someone took her!" Finally she turned up two escalators down at the aquarium ticket counter. Today I asked her "What happened to you yesterday, Amaris?" She said, "I lost my mommy at the playground." I said, "Did somebody take you or did you follow someone?" "I followed." "Did you cry?" "Yeah, I cried." "Were you scared?" "I'm scared of robots."
Earlier today, Cadence woke up thoroughly annoyed for some unknown reason and it took me a long time to soothe her. Weird because she is usually so easygoing.
Then just a bit ago, Amaris sat down at the table to eat her dinner and proceeded to vomit all over herself. She immediately burst into tears and said, "MOMMY THERE'S SPIT ON ME!"
I'm feeling more than a little burned out. I miss Mark beyond my ability to describe. I miss everything. I am frustrated and sad and lonely and surrounding myself with good, helpful, wonderful people doesn't even really dull the feeling all that much. After the good times settle down, I go right back to feeling this way. I'm just emotionally exhausted.
June 8, 2009 at 3:13 PM
OMG I cant believe that Amaris got lost... And I BELIEVE in you you are a great woman...
June 11, 2009 at 2:00 PM
Sounds like you need to get Amaris a leash so she doesn't get abducted by robots again! I had one of those days with my baby too. She is normally so happy and has been in such a bad mood all day. She only took her morning nap and unhappily stayed awake all day, cried for about 3 hours this evening then finally gave in and passed out. Let's hope tomorrow is a better day for both of us. Hang in there during this deployment. It may not get better, but you WILL make it. Loves you!