My little countdown thingy says there are 93 days to go. That just about puts me into a total panic.

I feel unprepared and stressed and short on cash and exhausted. I am looking forward to the holidays - honest, I am, but I am feeling like the timing of pretty much everything is all wonky this year.

I can't believe that just last year we were in Port Hueneme enjoying Christmas together. It seems like it's been so long since we left California.

And I want this Christmas to be a good one, but I feel so completely overwhelmed at everything. We'll be doing Thanksgiving by ourselves for the first time in... 4 years. (I did Thanksgiving for us in 2004 when we first moved out and Mark brought up a group of single Marines to our little one-bedroom apartment with him for the weekend. That was our funnest ever Thanksgiving.) And I don't have any of "my own" kitchen tools this time. And then Christmas. With our current financial state (which is not good - international moves on very little money make my credit cards hurt) and our lack of ANY holiday decor... And the ever-growing list of things we NEED before baby girl arrives... I'm just on pins and needles.

Things we still need to acquire before baby girl makes her entrance:

• infant car seat
• stroller
• crib
• change table
• pack-n-play
• bouncy seat
• clothing
• diapers

Otherwise she'll be sleeping on the floor, naked, and never leaving the house.

I am not kidding when I say we literally have ONE set of PJs for her, and that's IT. We have her bedding thanks to a good friend's generosity... And a teddy bear. I have bottles and some other random things, and that's the extent of it.

I'm stressed out. I can't figure out how we're going to manage to get these things before she arrives, when we've got about 6 pay days in between now and her due date, and then in that little mix, we've got Thanksgiving and Christmas to concern ourselves with.

This is why I don't drink coffee before bed. I stay up all night panicking over our unpreparedness.