Heavy things
When I snapped and posted the picture of "just us girls" on Wednesday, I wasn't aware that I would be realizing the gravity of "just us girls" quite so soon.
And then Mark called. And my world came crashing down. I feel pathetic saying that, but that's how it felt. I'd been anticipating his deployment for so long that I'd gotten numb to it. The details faded into the background and I just didn't worry about things. I knew that he'd be going and I'd be staying and that was that. The estimated date was nearly in June so I figured I had some time to adjust myself accordingly.
At this point, though, instead it looks like he'll be leaving before May even begins. And before that he'll be training for two weeks in North Carolina. If you run your mental calendar, that pretty much means that we have very little time remaining already. And that he is most likely going to miss another anniversary this year.
So now that I have sketchy details that involve the next two months, I am panicked. I feel like this has all come up on us so suddenly and I am not sure what to do with myself. How to react. How to cope. And then I have days with the kids where I think to myself, "Good God, what have I gotten myself into?" Amaris pushes ALL of my buttons ALL day long, and juggling the girls, the house, food, chores and whatever else becomes incredibly different from about 3-10PM. It's stressful and overwhelming. How will I get through x months without daddy's help? What am I going to do?
I know that eventually these things will just work out. And what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. But this deployment is just so different for us in so many ways from the trips he took in 2003 and 2004. I'm overwhelmed with a whole barrage of emotions I had forgotten about, or didn't have to feel during those previous deployments due to different circumstances.
I'm going to be alright. I just need to keep reminding myself.
March 1, 2009 at 1:51 AM
Kari, I'm so sorry. I wish I could help you, I wish we were stationed together so you wouldn't have to be alone for all this. If Mark needs a friend while he's here in the NC (I suspect he'll be no more than 45 minutes away from me, yes?) M and I would love to meet him. ((Hugs)) Momma, the life of a Marine wife is never easy.
March 2, 2009 at 1:40 AM
In different ways, we both feel like we have more on our plates than we can handle, but you just have to keep reminding yourself that God never gives us trials that are harder than we can deal with. It will make us stronger like you said. Too bad all that doesn't chnge the fact that it just plain sucks.