As far as I am concerned, these shows should never have been created. When these shows come on, I can feel brain cells dying. Each of them a slow and painful death.

5. The Wonder Pets!
The Wonder Pets could very easily have been a really cute show. It is similar to Disney's Little Einsteins, except instead of cartoon children, there are pre-k class pets as the main characters. Linny, Tuck (and Ming-Ming, too!) are the three "heroes". Every episode, they encounter a "pwobwem", where a baby animal is in "twouble" and needs to be "wescued".
When we start watching the Wonder Pets, I think to myself, "I can handle this show." And then that fucking duck opens it's mouth and says "This is SEE-WEE-US!" and I want to bang my head into the nearest hard surface. Thank you SO much for instilling a speech impediment in my child. How very educational of you.

4. Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends
Never have you encountered a cartoon quite as gimmicky and nonsensical as Miss Spider's Sunny Patch Friends. This show makes me want to straight up vomit. Miss Spider is the "mother" and has something like 8 kids. However, only five of her children are spiders. Nobody tell her pantywaist husband, but I think she may have cheated on him to also have mothered a bed bug, a dragonfly, and a beetle. Her husband is like half her size and wears this ridiculous little hat.
They do stupid things in this show, like instead of saying "everybody" or "somebody", they'll say "everybuggy" or "somebuggy". Or your birth day is called your "hatch day". It gets EXTREMELY irritating.

3. Max and Ruby
This show will just piss you off. This show is all about how Ruby, who is supposed to be 7, parents (and micromanages) her mischievous little brother Max. She is constantly making little Max feel stupid, or trumping his fun. It makes you wonder, just where are their mother and father?? Ruby is a total snot. Occasionally you see their grandmother in the show, but not every time. It's generally just Ruby telling Max what he can and cannot do. Max does not enjoy being bossed around. I can't blame him. Ruby sucks. In one episode, she actually tells him "We have to clean you up - you look disgusting."

2. Oobi
Seriously, this show is some creepy shit. I don't even know who thought this was a good idea. But I'd like to meet them and punch them in the face. Another show that promotes improper grammar and pronunciation, ("grandpa" is "grampoo", for example, and none of their sentences are complete - "Oobi help?"), but unlike The Wonder Pets, this show doesn't look cute doing it. A bunch of hands with bug-eyes wandering around your TV, talking to each other does not equal good times as far as I'm concerned. Actually I think it probably equals some pretty freaky nightmares.

1. Yo Gabba Gabba!
Yes, I have indeed saved the most creepy, hands-down, for last. I don't even allow this show to play in our house. When I hear the creepy intro music, I change the channel at speeds that would make a pit-crew proud. Yo Gabba Gabba makes entirely NO sense, whatsoever. There's this guy in an orange jump suit with a bunch of little toys, from what I gather, and when you "say the magic words" (which are, incidentally, "Yo Gabba Gabba") the little toys come to life and jump around spastically and sing songs which generally don't have to make sense. And the guy in the orange jump suit is always smiling this really creepy "I'm going to eat you as soon as you turn your back" smile.

Uh, no thanks.


I wouldn't be sad if I never had to watch these shows ever again. Honest.