Yesterday I had to wash B. This was not a happy time. Amaris screamed for about an hour solid after he "went into the bath" and begged me hysterically to get him out of the machine. By the time I wished I could take back putting him in there in the first place, it was too late, he was soaking wet and covered in laundry soap. I very seldom am able to wash him because of this reaction from her. Amaris' teddy bear is unmistakable. While I was pregnant with her, he stood out in a Babies R Us to me, and I just had to have him for her. He was plump and golden brown and soft and sweet. The perfect companion for any baby. My mom bought him without me mentioning it twice.

B and Amaris first met while she (at about 1 month old) was checking out her crib for the very first time. She didn't really notice him too much at first, she was more intrigued by all of the other sensory stuff in there with her - the bumper, the mobile... But he was there. And I'm sure he noticed her. For him, it was either love or panic at first sight. It was something.

I don't know when Amaris' utter infatuation with him began. I figure that at some point she started bringing him out of the crib with her in the morning and then at bedtime we'd return him to his "place". But at some point he became a daily necessity for her. She started out by calling him "Boo" - which was confusing to me because Boo is the cat. I thought she was in love with my Boo! And she was, but not as inseparably as she was with the bear. "Boo" evolved to "Beer" at some point. I had to sneak him away from her to "give him baths" and he started to look a little raggedy. This did not affect her love for him.

"Beer" has most recently changed to "B". Just B. I figure by now she knows him well enough that she can call him by a nickname. She's been dragging him around for over a year, nonstop. His hair has become nappy, his bow is not shiny anymore and it never sits straight. When sitting unsupported, his head slumps to one side. He is well-loved. She is typically carrying him around with her by the scruff of his neck or by one "arm". Very seldom does he appear golden brown, in fact he typically photographs gray these days, even after he's had a "bath". B's been through some times. Amaris won't leave the house without him most days. In fact, she won't do much of anything if B's not there. She won't eat if he's within view but not within reach, she won't sleep unless he's tucked in beside her, and she won't push her plastic shopping cart without him in the seat. Many times we've had to turn around and go back home at the beginning of a trip because we accidentally left him behind. On a very regular basis, I have a panic attack and convince myself that we are going to lose him somehow, that she'll take him into a store and set him down and we'll never see him again. As a mom, I think that is right up there with the fear that my daughter will somehow accidentally drown in the bathtub or figure out how to climb over the railing on the balcony. The thought of losing B, quite frankly, freaks me out.

I blame his gray hair on stress. I mean, the poor bear went from a quiet, comfortable existence in a crib to being someone's all-the-time BEST friend. He's moved with us 3 times over the course of a year, and he's been with Amaris many times at her best and always at her worst. During our last move, from Texas to Okinawa, Amaris threw up on him 3 times and we had to wash him three different times in three different washing machines over the course of about two and a half days. Amaris doesn't notice a difference in B. To her, he will probably always be golden brown and plump and perfect, with a shiny bow and stitched on eyes. I love that.